


Bar Theories

by daintyredshoes



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Hunters x Alcohol, Multi, about ging, coworker quarrels, gay in places, gossipy idiots, it's a zoo y'all, much speculation, personality clashes, post-punch, trash talk about a trashcan, vulgar in others, zodiacs talking shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 13:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17285009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daintyredshoes/pseuds/daintyredshoes
Summary: Because the Zodiacs are messy bitches who live for drama. PREQUEL to "From Time To Time"





	Bar Theories

**Author's Note:**

> yo yo ya second fave trashcan is back from the dead. PREQUEL to "From Time To Time"

They'd agreed, at Pariston's behest, to celebrate at the bar, "like real coworkers!" Of course, the rat hadn't yet arrived, and probably never would. What better way to upstage the new Chairman from the start? Cheadle was tense, Kanzai was grumpy, and Saiyu was bored.

Nevertheless, they remained united in their admiration for Netero and their love of the Hunter Association's lavish bar. The gaudishly attired group stood out against the cream-and-black decor unique to the Hunter Association. Other hunters sat huddled or sprawled around booths, drinks flowing and instrumental music piping gently in the background. A perfect setup for the squabbling zoo currently posing as the cream of its crop.

Now that everyone had their drinks at hand, they were able to agree on at least one thing.

"That punch. It's going down in history." Mizaistom summed up the events of the day to an audience of approving murmurs.

"Already has." Saiyu checked his phone. "One billion views...and counting." Kanzai snorted.

"Kid's an idiot. I'd've knocked the bastard right on his ass myself before any friend of mine got the chance." The tiger cracked his knuckles self-confidently. "Send him flying."

"Wasn't he crying? Poor thing." Piyon set down her cocktail glass, looking concerned.

"Shit, I'd cry too if I were related to _that_ ," Cluck sniffed.

"What's his name?"

"Gon."

"Huh. Any sign of the mother?" Geru pondered.

"Can't imagine any sane woman bedding Ging," Cluck muttered. Kanzai grinned.

"Ha! Wouldn't be a problem in this organisation. You're all nuts." He dodged a precise bolt of Nen from the rooster that left the table smoking. "Way to prove my point, woman." His smugness was met with a middle finger as she deftly swiped his drink and took a long slug. Scowling, the tiger sloped off to the bar in pursuit of more alcohol.

"Can't tell who she is by looking, though," Cluck mused, half disgusted and half fascinated. "Gon's a dead ringer for Ging. Tch. Imagine denying your own fucking clone. What an asshole."

"He's never denied him," Saccho pointed out quietly. "Ging left him in the care of relatives as a baby." He managed to get in a long sip of shōchu before all hell broke loose.

"You KNEW?!" A chorus of bewildered voices accosted him.

The horse shrugged. "Two and two aren't hard to put together. Anyway, from what I know of him, he's not a bad person."

"Are you defending that piece of shit?" Indignant yelps accosted him from all sides.

Abandoning the alcohol, Saccho sighed. "It wasn't my intention to fuel the rumour mill. I merely wanted to set things straight."

"Sure, Ging-licker," muttered Cluck, smirking defiantly under Saccho's disapproving gaze.

"Well, Gon is very strong." Mizaistom glanced at his phone. "Took out a top level Chimera Ant at the age of 14."

"And a fool to end up half-dead afterwards." The newly returned Kanzai wiped his chin with the back of his hand and spat. "Tch!"

Mizaistom shrugged. "Father's son."

"Prodigal son," Saccho smiled.

"Ugh, that Ging," Kanzai grumbled, loudly enough to draw disapproving murmurs from the nearby tables. "What? Don't act like _you_ weren't laying into him earlier, cowards! I don't care how powerful he is, I don't like him!"

"Yeah, _because_ he's more powerful than you," snickered Geru, rolling her eyes at the tiger's growl. "Honestly! You are so transparent." Piyon nodded in support and patted her friend's arm.

"Well said, G. The men in this organisation are so stupid."

"I know. I'm so glad my next mission is with you, bunny." The black-haired woman dropped a kiss on the rabbit's forehead as she snuggled up to the snake's low neckline, all too aware of the attention they drew.

"God, just make out already, why don't you," Cluck said bitterly. Piyon, ever the bright-eyed businesswoman, handed the rooster her phone.

"Excellent idea! Along with Leorio's stellar performance earlier, that would boost ratings to an all-time high!" She squirmed around on Geru's lap. "Which angle looks best, guys? Waah, don't forget to keep it steady! Hey! Stop fluttering around!"

"I'd say you were a whore if your schtick didn't bring in so much money," Saiyu said blithely over battling plumage, yawning.

"Whores make bank! That's why I have stakes in all the porn companies in Yorknew, and my own chain of brothels!" Piyon grinned, just in time to retrieve her phone from a disgruntled Cluck.

"Butterfeathers," she scolded lovingly. "Next time we'll make it three and triple the profits, okay!" Cluck made a non-commital sound of disgust, already deep in her next whisky.

"I've never seen Ging act altruistically towards anyone for any reason. Hard to believe some girl would change his mind any," Ginta murmured.

"Oh please, ya big softie. Since when has forgetting to pull out been altruistic?" Cluck slurred.

Botobai's face was unreadable as Ginta grimaced. "How crude..."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry! Ahem. SINCE WHEN HAS DECLINING TO SQUIRT YOUR BABY GRAVY--"

"Alright, this is an intervention." Geru intervened smoothly, separating the farmhouse squabble with minimal effort. She paused before speaking again.

"It's a shame, you know. I've considered, but even I have my limits." She sipped her drink daintily as Piyon slipped off her lap, primly returning to her seat.

"Why do you care so much?" grumbled Kanzai. Piyon smirked.

"Now, now. If you were as worldly as you pretended to be, you'd know that Geru's always had a thing for short dudes. Just not you." She patted her friend's arm and Kanzai narrowed his eyes.

"' _Had your limits',"_  the tiger mocked. "You mean, because he may not have said yes."

"Excuse _you_." The brown-skinned woman's eyes were cut glass. "I am _never_ rejected."

"And you didn't wanna spoil your record, right?" he purred with all the slyness he could muster.

The drink landed on his head and dripped down his face as the lady in question sipped from a new glass. "Oh, I wouldn't move my mouth if I were you. It's poisonous." The venom in her smile made him swallow nervously. Then he blanched. _Oh yeah, poison,_ was his last thought before toppling to the ground.

She rolled her eyes. "Mizaistom, deal with him. You see," gesturing with her cocktail, "Ging's a fool, but I doubt he'd have fallen for something as elementary as that."

Saiyu shook his head in amusement. "We might be idiots, but the women in this organisation are demons, am I right, Ginta?"

The heavy-set man lifted his head from his goblet. "Hmph. I barely wanna see that greasy bastard in meetings, let alone outside 'em."

"Damn straight." He swivelled on his barstool and elbowed Cheadle. "How 'bout you, Chairman?"

"I don't wish to discuss Freecss-san's private life," the woman of the hour said primly, tugging at her sleeve and burying her eyes in her tonic water. But Saiyu wasn't buying it for a second, punctuating the silence with a groan.

"Oh, come on, Cheadle. Can't you drop that good girl act for once?"

It wasn't an act, and even the most casual observer could tell that Cheadle Yorkshire prided herself on actually being _good_. It was evident in every frill and ruffle of her high-necked gown and winked out from her round bespectacled eyes.

Most importantly, it was the one delusion that kept her from admitting that she was every bit as driven and selfish as the rest of her peers. She needed to feel superior in some way, and thus far everyone had indulged her - Ging and Pariston by merit of existing. Setting her lips in a determined line, she pushed her drink away.

"I don't think we should be talking about this." Yes, she was going to take a leaf out of that man's book and absolutely not swap baseless rumours with a bunch of gossip-starved idiots for the next hour.

...then again, she was here already, so maybe she was the idiot. An idiot in charge of a bunch of idiots. The biggest idiot. She suppressed a groan as the corners of her mouth drew into a frown.

"Aw, c'mon, Yorkshire. You're no fun." He turned back to his waiting audience. "Well? What do you guys think?"

"She must have been a call girl." Piyon offered.

Saiyu choked on his drink and Cheadle's eyes grew as big as saucers as the rabbit expounded on her theory.

"It's not unlikely. We all know how itinerant Ging is. It would also explain why she didn't claim the child." She set down the glass with a shrug. "Plenty of my girls give their children up, it's hardly uncommon."

Botobai frowned. "A girl, though? Eh. Maybe she was a building. Or a forest. Only two things I've ever seen Ging interested in."

"Or Pariston," murmured Saiyu from the safety of his pint glass.

"Kid does look like a plant..." Mizaistom mused.

"Naw, you're just saying that because of all the green."

"Hair green, eyes brown, skin tan. A fucking plant." Cluck surmised, draining her cider.

"Well, whoever she was, she probably died of some disease. He is _filthy_ ," muttered Piyon, drawing a sharp intake of breath from Botobai and Saccho. She fired back a look of disgust. "Oh, so now _I'm_ the one who's gone too far now? I can't change my mind?"

"Been some time since we've had a mission together. I forgot alcohol makes you mean, little bunny." Ginta rested an enormous hand on the petite woman's head, the other placing a glass of water in front of her. "Drink up." Piyon obstinately stuck out her tongue before acquiescing.

"It's always the little bitchy ones," Saiyu observed, taking Piyon's glare head-on.

"Maybe he's one of the five calamities. Shit, maybe even all five. Wouldn't put it past him." Cluck artfully added fuel to the fire. Saiyu tutted in disapproval.

"Oh, I don't know. Look at that jawline. Must have been pretty cute when he was younger. And he's talented..." He took in the horrified faces around the table and shrugged. "What? Power is power."

"Says the power _bottom_ ," muttered Mizaistom. He caught the drink slung his way without blinking an eye. "Oh, come on. Everyone knows you've done your fair share of _hunting_ around here."

"No better way to scope out an enemy's soft spots," quipped Saiyu. "Besides, he always struck me as queer," mused the monkey. "I mean, the tension with Pariston..."

"Can we _not_."

"The next round is yours for even bringing that shit up."

"How _dare_ you."

"You're worse than Kanzai."

Botobai glanced under the table. "Lucky bastard's knocked out."

"Not any more." Kanzai's disgruntled voice floated up to the table as he got to his feet. "Your new formula's strong, Geru, but not strong enough. Gonna need a Nen exorcist to scrub that shit from my brain..."

"They're barely human. And I'm a goddamn sheep." Ginta grimaced at the thought.

"What would happen if a devil fucked a demon?" Cluck wondered out loud.

"Speaking as someone who's actually fucked a demon...not much."

"Whoa, a demon?"

"Yeah, Western continent. It can take different forms depending on who you are, and I didn't realise until its thing split into all these different things. Innies, outies, the whole hog. Even produces its own--"

Cluck leant in, intrigued. "What happened to it?"

"Sold it to a prince, I think. You know royals are fucking weird."

"Which family?"

"From the East...Cluckin, I think. Yesh. My people."

" _Kakin!_ That's it, I'm taking your drinks away."

"YOU DARE?!?!! Kanzai, back me up!!"

\--

Ging rolled his eyes from the rooftop as the sounds of splintered glass and yells permeated the night air.

Fucking _people_ and their boring, predictable bullshit. _Still_. He allowed himself a smile. _She would have hated them too._

\--

**Author's Note:**

> SHALL I WRITE GING AND GON'S MOTHER'S BACKSTORY SHOULD I DO IT
> 
> TELL ME FRIENDS


End file.
